Doldrum
by ThatAvidReader616
Summary: The student body of Hogwarts was stuck doing utterly nothing in the Great Hall one day for only Merlin knows why. A certain uncanny couple unconsciously decides to spice things up. Crack fic, R&R please! (if you can go through the brain damage)


A/N: I was very, very, very bored when I wrote this. Thinking of this a way to humor myself. K

(this was also written two years ago I'm sorry)

Heluu~ I got this idea from a fic I read two years ago and I was 12 and it's crack, I apologise. But, you know, I thought it was a good enough story to upload, I guess..? R&R! :D

Legend: **Draco – Bold **

_**Hermione – bold italics**_

* * *

All the students in Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry were sitting in the Great Hall, each of them at their appointed House tables. And all of them wore very, very, very bored expressions on their faces.

Even the staff looked bored. They just gathered all the students here to see if at least the _slightest _bit of chaos ensued.

Harry Potter was leaning on his arm, Ron Weasley was drooling but none of his housemates shifted due to the boredom; Hermione Granger was staring into space, expression completely blank; Ginny Weasley's head was on the table, looking around the Great Hall with no interest; and the rest of the Gryffindors at their table, well, in short, none of them were doing anything except let their human systems work.

Same goes for the Ravenclaws, Hufflepuffs, Slytherins, and the staff.

Cho Chang was trying not to fall asleep; even Luna Lovegood was bored, she was not even paying attention to the Wrackspurts around her head; Michael Corner and Terry Boot were having a very sluggish poke war; Padma was staring across the Hall at her sister, same for Parvati, with eyes full of dullness.

The Hufflepuffs were no better. Ninety-seven percent of them staring into space, while the remaining three percent were asleep.

The Slytherins, were the best of the worst. Most of them were making small talk yet, it was plain and dull.

That all changed though, when Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger had eye contact.

Draco sighed and slumped his shoulders. _Well, if it means getting out of this boring hell hole, might as well do it. _

He conjured a piece of parchment and a quill, as well as plastic tube with a hole, and scribbled on the parchment using his quill.

**Psst, Granger. It's me, Malfoy.**

He then duplicated the plastic tube with a flick of his wand, and threw the duplicate to Granger's head.

"Ow," Hermione said. She looked at the cause that hit her head. She eyed it with curiosity and picked it up. Seeing the tube was empty, she was about to drop it when a "fwoop" sound was heard from it and there was a roll of parchment inside.

The brunette took the parchment out and unrolled it. She then eyed Malfoy with the look that said, "Really, Malfoy?" He just shrugged in response. Hermione sighed. _Stupid doldrum. It's forcing me to talk with Malfoy._

Hermione then conjured a self-inking quill as well and scribbled on the parchment.

**_What do you want, Malfoy? Although, I applaud your spell work on the transportation charm. I suppose the twin's with you?_**

She put rolled the parchment and put it into the tube lazily, and watched it disappear.

Draco heard a "fwoop" and stared at the received parchment, bored, and took it out. He read the reply and glanced at Hermione, who was idly looking back.

**Oh hush, Granger. You're making me blush. And yes, the twin's with me and I'm bored.**

**_Ha ha, very funny, ferret; and everyone here is bored. Even Snape is staring into space._**

**Wonderful observation, beaver**

**_Your sarcasm is truly enlightening_**

**Like yours is**

**_Why'd you want to communicate with me, Malfoy?_**

**I told you, I'm bored**

**_I mean, why not Blaise, Pansy, Theodore or Daphne?_**

**Well … You're fun to bug**

**_Nice to know that you're hobby is pestering me_**

**So ..?**

**_So?_**

**Aw, c'mon, Granger! I need a topic to discuss!**

**_Why even try? This Hall is full of doldrum_**

**What?**

**_Malfoy, clearly you can see what's written_**

**No shit, Sherlock**

**_It's elementary, dear Watson_**

**Ha ha. I meant, what did you mean by 'doldrum'**

**_Simple. Boredom. A sillier way to say it._**

**Granger knows what silly is? Quick! Someone tell The Daily Prophet!**

**_I have a bunch of other silly words, Malfoy. Doldrum is just one of them._**

**Wow, Granger. Care to tell?**

**_No_**

**Why not?**

**_Because_**

**Because what?**

**_Just because_**

**Aw, please Granger?**

**_Ooh look, Draco Malfoy saying please! Quick! Someone tell The Daily Prophet!_**

**What a way to use my own words on me, Granger. Now tell me at least one!**

**_… _****_Fine._**

**What is it, then?**

**_Scuttlebutt_**

**A WHAT?! XD**

**_So Malfoy also knows what 'XD' is! Seriously, someone report it to The Daily Prophet!_**

**…**

**_It means a gossip. Say people like Lavender, Parvati and Pansy. They're scuttlebutts._**

**This is hilarious**

**_You're not laughing nor smiling_**

**Internally, I am. You're hilarious, Granger, really are. Truly.**

**_Now really? How is that so?_**

From across the Hall, Draco saw Hermione smile at his compliment that made him smile involuntarily.

**Well, you do hit Potty and Weasel a lot on the head with a gigantic book of yours. And your witty retorts when someone argues with you. Even if it's me.**

Draco sent the parchment without thinking what he wrote. He wanted the transportation to stop but it did not have any cancellation.

**_Really?_**

**Well… yeah…**

**_I'm interested. What do you think of me?_**

Draco was taken aback by the question. He looked left and right and scribbled his thoughts down, not even looking at what he wrote. He just did.

**Well… I guess this won't be intercepted so… You're brilliant and I've always been jealous, especially because you're a muggle-born (I'm not prejudiced anymore. I swear, Hermione. It was just my father who inserted all those in my head. I'm really sorry for what happened in the past. Forgive me? I understand if you don't though…); you're witty; you're selfless; you're fearless; you're stubborn yet it makes you feisty; even when you're down, you cheer others up; you have pride which makes you the strong woman that you are; and to sum it all up … you're beautiful**

Draco just rolled and slotted the parchment into the tube without rereading and thinking, and then when his brain finally registered what he did, he shouted, "OH SHIT, NO!"

Hermione and the rest of the bored people looked at Draco weirdly. Draco kept on face palming and did a head desk, then continued face palming.

Since all the attention was on Draco, they did not hear the "fwoop" from Hermione's tube, as well as the brightest witch of her age taking out the roll of parchment.

She and Draco made eye contact, the latter looking at her wide-eyed.

She unrolled the parchment and read the whole thing. Hermione felt her mind spinning and mind racing. The next thing she knew she was scribbling onto the parchment furiously.

**_Thank you … Draco :)_**

Draco felt warm inside. He genuinely smiled … Forgetting that the whole Hogwarts population was eyeing him.

"Oh, honestly! THAT FWOOPING NOISE IS RUINING THE ATMOSPHERE OF BOREDOM!" one of the seventh-year Gryffindors shouted.

Draco and Hermione's heads snapped up.

"Is that a note I see you holding, Drake?" Daphne asked.

"Uhhh…" he said dumbly, looking wide-eyed at Hermione, hoping she would know what to do. But her expression was just as wide-eyed as his.

"Drakie-poo has a note?" one of the second-year Slytherins perked up. "Now that I look back, I'm so sorry Drake for being like that. At least my voice wasn't that high-pitched," Pansy muttered the last sentence.

Draco just nodded dumbly.

"Let me see that," said Blaise, trying to grab the paper.

"No!" Draco yelled, moving his arm to the left, out of Blaise's reach. Little did he know that…

"AHA!" Theodore Nott shouted in triumph.

"Theo … give it back!" Draco pleaded.

"I wonder what's inside…" Theo said, his eyes reverting to the paper in his hands.

"OH MY GODS!" he yelled across the Hall. Multiple 'whats' could be heard. "IT'S A NOTE BETWEEN DRAKE AND HERMIONE GRANGER!"

A large amount of gasping could be heard.

"Read it then!" one of the Ravenclaw's shouted.

Draco looked frantically at Hermione. The latter just shook her head as frantically.

"Hermione, is that true? You've been passing notes to Malfoy?" asked Ginny.

"Uh…" Hermione said as dumbly as Draco did a few minutes ago.

"READ IT, NOTT!" one of the Slytherins shouted.

"YEAH! READ IT!" one of the Hufflepuffs yelled.

"Read it! Read it! Read it!" The Hogwarts population chanted excluding the staff, Harry, Ginny, Ron, Pansy, Daphne, Blaise and Neville; but all of them looked curious and wanted to hear the little exchange between the Gryffindor Princess and the Slytherin Prince.

Draco and Hermione were hiding behind their hands, groaning in frustration and embarrassment.

"ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT! But … I think Professor Snape would like the honors to do so," suggested Theo, smirking at Draco.

"Urgh…" Hermione groaned.

Professor Snape smirked as well, and took the paper from Theodore.

He cleared his throat as the whole Hall quieted down.

"**Psst, Granger. It's me, Malfoy. **

**_What do you want, Malfoy? Although, I applaud your spell work on the transportation charm. I suppose the twin's with you?_**"

"Granger, ever so studious," one of the Hufflepuffs said, who got shushed by many other students.

Professor Snape continued. "**Oh hush, Granger. You're making me blush. And yes, the twin's with me and I'm bored.**

**_Ha ha, very funny, ferret; and everyone here is bored. Even Snape is staring into space._**"

Severus glared at Hermione who slightly shrunk down.

"**Wonderful observation, beaver**

**_Your sarcasm is truly enlightening_**

**Like yours is**"

"Ah, the sweet banter of forbidden love," Lisa Turpin said wistfully.

"FORBIDDEN LOVE? MY DRAKIE-POO CAN'T BE IN LOVE WITH A MUDBLOOD! HE'S MINE!" one of the third year Slytherins shrieked.

"HE'S NOT ONLY YOURS, KATE! WE SHARE REMEMBER?" another third year Slytherin girl shrieked.

"I'm not anyone's property!" Draco retorted.

"LET ME FINISH READING!" Snape roared. The Hall went silent once more.

"**_Why'd you want to communicate with me, Malfoy?_**

**I told you, I'm bored**

**_I mean, why not Blaise, Pansy, Theodore or Daphne?_**

**Well … You're fun to bug**

**_Nice to know that you're hobby is pestering me_**"

"Want Cheetos anyone?" someone asked.

"Me!" a few piped up.

"This isn't a soap opera for you to watch, therefore, there are no means to snack on anything!" Hermione said.

"We're hungry!" they said back.

"**So ..?**

**_So?_**"

"Will this end up being the so-so game or what?" Zacharias Smith scoffed. He did not have time to dodge the Cheetos that was thrown at him.

"SHH!"

"Well, if it was, then I would regret not watching Glee re-runs…"

"SHUT UP!"

"**Aw, c'mon, Granger! I need a topic to discuss!**

**_Why even try? This Hall is full of doldrum_**

**What?**

**_Malfoy, clearly you can see what's written_**

**No shit, Sherlock**

**_It's elementary, dear Watson_**"

"Haha, nice comeback 'Mione," Harry said, making Hermione grin.

"**Ha ha. I meant, what did you mean by 'doldrum'**

**_Simple. Boredom. A sillier way to say it._**

**Granger knows what silly is? Quick! Someone tell The Daily Prophet!**

**_I have a bunch of other silly words, Malfoy. Doldrum is just one of them._**"

"Hey! That's not fair! You've never used those words with Harry and I!" said Ron.

"But I've heard it Ron," replied Harry.

"What? How?" the ginger exclaimed.

"That's because you've been sucking off Lavender's face," Hermione said pointedly.

Harry sniggered then he got hit at the back of his head by Ron. "Ouch, mate …"

"**Wow, Granger. Care to tell?**

**_No_**

**Why not?**

**_Because_**

**Because what?**

**_Just because_**

**Aw, please Granger?**

**_Ooh look, Draco Malfoy saying please! Quick! Someone tell The Daily Prophet!_**"

"OOH! BUUURRN!" someone said.

"DON'T INSULT MY DRAKIE-POO LIKE THAT!" Kate shrieked, once again.

"For the second time, I am not anyone's property!" Draco bellowed.

"**What a way to use my own words on me, Granger. Now tell me at least one!**

**_… _****_Fine._**

**What is it, then?**

**_Scuttlebutt_**"

"LOL! SCUTTLEBUTT!" Ginny said laughing then Neville joined her, as well as, Ron, Harry and most of the Hogwarts students. Even the staff's mouths were tugging up into a smile.

"Silence," Snape drawled but the corners of his mouth were forming into a smile. "**A WHAT?! XD**

**_So Malfoy also knows what 'XD' is! Seriously, someone report it to The Daily Prophet!_**

**…**

**_It means a gossip. Say people like Lavender, Parvati and Pansy. They're scuttlebutts._**"

"Hey!" the three girls shouted at Hermione.

"Well … it's true!" Hermione said, followed by murmurs of 'yeahs'.

"**This is hilarious**

**_You're not laughing nor smiling_**

**Internally, I am. You're hilarious, Granger, really are. Truly.**

**_Now really? How is that so?_**"

"OI! WHO FINISHED ALL THE CHEETOS?"

"I HAVE GOLDFISH AND TEDDY GRAHAMS!" a Hufflepuff said who was immediately ambushed by a couple of students from each House.

"The Inner Eye senses that the lioness and the serpent will have an… uh… _interaction_ in a little while," Trewlawny said out of the blue.

Some of the students' eyes widened at the statement and some fainted. Some looked rather flustered, Goyle being one of them.

"OH GODS, GOYLE! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?" Theo said, sliding away from him.

The professors looked at Trewlawny weirdly.

Some of the students choked on Goldfish and Teddy Grahams, causing splatters of crumbs to the people across them. Romilda Vane being one of the victims.

"URGH! SEAMUS! HOW DARE YOU! NOW YOU'VE RUINED MY HAIR!" Romilda cried.

"Well it's not like it was already ruined before, with those horrid curls," replied Seamus, receiving him chuckles from the guys and girls alike, and a stomp of her foot and a growl from Romilda.

"Can I carry on with the story?" Snape snarled. The Hall nodded and became silent.

"**Well, you do hit Potty and Weasel a lot on the head with a gigantic book of yours. And your witty retorts when someone argues with you. Even if it's me.**"

'Awws' could be heard from the girls (even Snape let it slip from his mouth as well as Neville but both quickly hid it) and Harry and Ron looked at Malfoy in disbelief.

Hermione's cheeks tinged pink.

"**_Really?_**

**Well… yeah…**

**_I'm interested. What do you think of me?_**"

Gasps could be heard all around. Squealing, thudding on the floor due to fainting; Ron and Harry looked at Hermione whose face was getting redder by the second.

Malfoy was playing with his fingers and he felt thoroughly scared. The whole school would know what he thinks of the one and only Hermione Granger.

"**Well… I guess this won't be intercepted so…-**" Snape was cut off by a fourth year Gryffindor. "Loser," he coughed. Snape glared daggers at him.

"**You're brilliant and I've always been jealous, especially because you're a muggle-born (I'm not prejudiced anymore. I swear, Hermione. It was just my father who inserted all those in my head. I'm really sorry for what happened in the past. Forgive me? I understand if you don't though…);-**"

Once again, Snape was cut off as the Hall was filled with 'awws'.

"**You're witty; you're selfless; you're fearless; you're stubborn yet it makes you feisty; even when you're down, you cheer others up; you have pride which makes you the strong woman that you are; and to sum it all up … you're beautiful,**" Snape finished with a sigh escaping his lips.

More thuds, more swooning, more squealing. Hermione's two best friends gawked at Draco but his attention was only on Hermione.

He smiled at her sheepishly as she blushed a deeper shade of red.

"THIS IS SO GREAT THAT I'VE BEEN USING SIRI WHILE PROFESSOR TOLD THE STORY! MY TWITTER'LL BE BLOWING!"

"I JUST MADE AN FB PAGE AND IT ALREADY HAS_ 2,197 _LIKES!"

"What's the page name?"

"THE DRAMIONE CONFESSION!"

Snape handed the parchment back to his godson and smiled fondly at him before walking back to the staff table.

Draco scribbled down again while the others babbled on.

**They already have a ship name for us**

**_I know right… Anyway, meet me at the seventh floor, left corridor, opposite the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy teaching trolls ballet. We have catching up to do, Mister Malfoy ;)_**

**Of course, Miss Granger ;)**

The duo went unnoticed out of the hall and met up at the location where Hermione specified. The Gryffindor walked in front of the wall three times and a door magically appeared. Both entered, closed the door, and the door disappeared.

Meanwhile in the Great Hall..

"Hey 'Mione," Ron was about to ask something to Hermione when he noticed she was gone.

"Uh… Harry… Where's Hermione?"

Harry too, looked around and spotted Malfoy out of sight.

"Uh oh… She's with Malfoy… And she dropped the parchment…"

The two read it before going pale. The others noticed and asked Ginny to read.

After reading, the Hall went chaotic. Trewlawny was right. Hermione and Draco were having an interaction: A snog-fest in the Room of Requirement.


End file.
